First of the month

So, today hasn't been the brightest of days. Particularly because I ruined everyone's plans since I walked out of my room so late this morning (aka noon). And because I finished my new and epically good book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. And because today marks the 27th month that my best friend has been gone.

Avery was the first person I'd ever loved to have passed in my life. (Shortly after were grandma and grandpa. Miss them so much.) Twenty seven months ago, I got a missed call from her sister, Aryn, while at work. I pretended to use the restroom in order to call her back, only to hear uncontrollable sobbing on the other end of the line.

"She's dead."

I couldn't even fathom those words, so my immediate reaction was, "Are you joking?"

Aryn responded, "Jennifer, why would I joke about something like this?"

I can't even remember the rest of the conversation because I thought I was going to throw up/black out/have a heart attack all at once. I had to pass the message along to my other two best friends, Raechel and Nichole, who also thought it was all a joke. If only.

Everyone says the pain that accompanies the passing of a loved one gets better with time, and I agree; it does get better. However, I'm realizing more and more that the pain morphs into a gentler, and sadder kind of pain. It's not the grief that you felt in the first few months, when you'd stay up late and look at her Facebook pictures until you would eventually begin to hyperventilate. It's different. Over time, you slowly come to the realization that those pictures will be the only pictures of her, ever. That the number of stories beginning with "remember that one time when Avery..." will remain the same. That you'll never know how great of an orthodontist she would have become. Who knows, maybe she would've even changed her major while she was at Virginia Tech, to like chicken expert since they love that over there (obligatory collegiate rivalry bashing).

These thoughts are thoughts that everyone has. It is natural, and is a part of life and death. The glass-half-full view of it all is that because they are physically gone, you cherish what little time they had on earth even more. And if it's someone as quirky and bubbly as Avery was, a few good memories is enough.

I knew I'd be spending a first-of-the-month here in Germany, so I made sure that I packed my Ave the Rave shirt. REPPIN' DA BIG DAWGS!!! (Inside joke)

Also, I came across a picture of us today that I had never seen before. I think it describes our friendship perfectly.

"When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a wonderful treasure to always hold in your heart."

Avery Hanna Spence

9/7/93 - 5/1/11

**UPDATE**

Even better..... I just came across a rap we made about Junior prom.... Holy shit.

It’s J-Ahn and Avery up on this track We walked up in the prom and that shit was kinda wack. There was this girl named ******** and she was on our tail She was so annoying that she made that prom a fail. Then these two fellas named Kyle and Nathan Danced all up on us tryna stay away from *******. And then there was Jamal, he was lookin so fly I wanted to steal him every time he rolled by. It was tall ass Cory Beardsley that was gettin it in And we was all like, who the hell is his girlfriend?! Jake Marten was the hypest nigga around Until Mr. Gallier told him it was time to bounce. That stupid ole administrator got mad at us twerkers So he would tell us to leave and we would all go berserkers. Until it was time to announce the king and queen Everybody was hype that she was Elske Verbeek And nobody .................., EEK! So we ran out of that bitch before it was time to take a seat.